Not A Matter of Talk

By Amy L. Hartmann

Hopelessness can attack anyone…even the strongest and bravest of hearts.  Death of a loved one, sickness, loss of employment, relationship conflict, loneliness, certain medications, extended periods of stress and even boredom can trigger feelings of malaise.  When life events compound any of these conditions simultaneously, deep depression is often the result.  Holidays often exacerbate this condition with a vengeance.  The realization that there is a need for professional help must often come from outsiders.

How we talk to ourselves during these times of emotional and possibly physical crisis also determines how quickly we rise above these feelings and regain our footing.  How we talk to ourselves also impacts how God responds to our needs during these times too.  We find countless examples of this concept throughout the Psalms written by David, the shepherd boy turned warrior – especially during his long season of running for his life.  Some biblical scholars say Saul, the reigning King, pursued David for almost 15 years seeking his extermination.

In 2009 my Jacksonville Mayapple Chapel home group hosts encountered such a challenging season.  Candy and Ed were lifelong sweethearts.  Married for over 60 years, their lives together had been rich and full of family adventure.  Sometime in early 2008-2009 Candy began to experience symptoms of Alzheimer’s.  Candy was a vivacious woman who loved to laugh and dance.  Candy was woman who dearly loved God.  At first, she was simply forgetful and distracted, but as spring commenced, she lost interest in food and she seemed to slip off into her own private world.  Ed was devastated.  As a man of faith, his on-going prayers were never ceasing but his circumstances began to overwhelm his stout heart.

Outside event scheduling over much of 2008 had caused the usual monthly gathering of friends at the Bateman home to fall off, such that for the first time in 26 years, the Mayapple Chapel home group did not meet on the first Friday of every month.  During that same spring Ed got sick and he was bed-ridden for weeks.  It was during this time that depression attacked.  At some point, his medication levels were totally out of balance and he took too much.  He wound up in Gainesville at the Veterans Administration hospital on the Psychiatric floor.

Life for me was very chaotic in the spring and summer of 2009.  We were into our first full year of homeschooling – suddenly I was teaching or facilitating high school, middle school and elementary school classes simultaneously.  The economy was reeling, the stock market was crazy; employers were laying off high level staff in record numbers.  May 4^th saw my husband experience such a day from his senior partner position at one of the top 10 engineering firms in the nation.  Everything was shaking.

“My heart is in anguish within me; the terrors of death assail me.  Fear and trembling have beset me; horror has overwhelmed me…Be merciful to me, O God, for men hotly pursue me; all day long they press their attack.  My slanderers pursue me all day long; many are attacking me…have mercy on me, O God, have mercy on me.  I will take refuge in the shadow of Your wings until the disaster has passed.”[1]

To be overwhelmed by life’s circumstances  – to lose heart or be faint hearted – is a biblical concept very applicable in today’s ever shifting world.  The Hebrew word for anguish of heart is interesting:  H#2342 – chuwl (khool) – means to twist or whirl (in a circular or spiral manner); i.e. Specifically – to dance, to writhe in pain (such as childbirth) or fear; to wait, to fall grievously from pain or fear; to be wounded etc.[2]

David’s advice to himself as a fugitive in the wilderness (long before he became king):

1. Surely God is my help[3]
2. Cast your cares upon the Lord and He will sustain you[4]
3. As for me, I trust in You (God) – what can man do to me? [5]
4. I cry out to God Most High, who fulfills His purpose for me.[6]

Father’s Day, June 21^st, 2009, a young man named Todd White showed up at our church’s Sunday night service.  Todd shared how God delivered him from years of crack cocaine addiction and drug use.  Todd said he wanted to pray for everyone with one leg shorter than the other.  My kids urged me to go forward.  I was in a built up right shoe to counteract the 1 inch difference with my left leg.  After Todd’s prayer, my right leg grew out the full inch it needed to be the same length as my left leg.  My eyes saw this miracle, and my heart and mind could not get over what I had felt, seen and experienced at that indescribable moment.  Wrecked by this paradigm shift, I began to view God in a whole new way.

In my time in choir, our worship leader (Kelanie Gloeckler) was unpacking the  concept of ascending in worship to hear the thoughts and songs heaven was saying – and singing over us, and then bringing them back down and releasing them into our atmosphere.  She learned this amazing concept during her time at Morningstar under the influence of Rick Joyner, Leonard Jones, Ray Hughes, Don Potter, Suzy Wills Yarai and other amazing leaders and musicians.  As a choir, over the summer of 2009, we were learning to ‘catch the song’ Jesus was singing over us.  We were working hard on the new music for Kelanie’s upcoming album recording in November, 2009.[7]

It was during this time I heard of Ed Bateman’s condition and his placement at the VA hospital in Gainesville, Florida.

“The Lord your God is in the midst of you, A Mighty One, A Savior (Who saves)!    He will rejoice over you with joy!  He will rest (in silent satisfaction) and in His love He will be silent and make no mention (of past sins, or even recall them)]; He will exult over you with singing.”[8]

The Hebrew word for exult H#1523 giyl (gheel) – means to spin round (under the influence of any violent emotion); i.e. Usually gladness or joy; rejoicing.[9]  The picture here is of Jesus, rejoicing over us in His wild, crazy dance of love and approval.  Jesus advised the crowds (who followed him in his day) to pray in every situation and not lose heart.[10]

I began to pray earnestly for Ed and Candy.  I had not been to their house in a while because of my busyness.  I contacted the friend who shared Ed’s status and tried to work out how we could all go see him.  I knew he needed to see our renewed love and concern for him and for Candy.  Every attempt to schedule any trip to Gainesville was met with great conflict.  In mid October, Don Potter came to our church in Jacksonville.  He sang over our city and over our congregation, declaring many things.  It was then I began to hear a song for Ed.

One more unsuccessful attempt to see Ed caused us to decide to just make a trip over to see Candy.  She was still at their home and needing company and comfort too.  I called some of the other Mayapple Chapel friends and we decided to meet at Candy’s house on October 23^rd (2009).  I was pleased to see the smiling faces of Janet Meyers and Roxie McLeod and several other friends.  We sat and visited with Candy for a short time but it was clear Candy didn’t fully remember us all or grasp why we were there.  We talked with her nurse, glad to hear that Candy was in good care in Ed’s absence.

It was at that moment, as our visit was coming to a close, I knew it was time to sing.  “I would like to sing for Candy before we leave,” I suddenly offered.  My friends were used to me singing with them and no one seemed uncomfortable with my request.

“That would be nice,” Janet and Roxie agreed.  “What would you like to sing?”

At that moment, the idea seemed so crazy but Ed was so far away, locked up on a psych ward with his own mental and emotional issues, so I just opened my mouth and lifted up my song:

“I’ll be home for Christmas….you can plan on me.

Please have snow and mistletoe…and presents on the tree.

I’ll be home for Christmas…just you wait and see…

I’ll be home for Christmas, if only in my dreams.

Christmas Eve will find me…where the love light gleams.

I’ll be home for Christmas…BUT it won’t be a dream!”[11]

My friends looked at me, somewhat perplexed by my song choice; after all, it was October.  Not risking their censure, I repeated the chorus several times before they finally joined in, and soon Candy was singing along too.  The expression on each of their faces is still a picture I see in my mind.  We sang a few more hymns, which we knew Candy would love, and she seemed to cheer up with each chorus.  After we were done and getting ready to leave, Candy’s nurse thanked us for coming and we told her we would be back soon to visit with Candy again.  Our plans were to join her sometime around Thanksgiving.

On our way out to our cars, I tried to explain my strange choice of music and my change of words.   I told them about what I learned from Kelanie…how I could hear that song being sung over Candy and Ed by Jesus.  They appreciated my boldness, but I could see the unspoken questions in their eyes.  We all left, making plans to get back together in a couple of weeks.

It was sometime just before Thanksgiving I received an update from Janet and Roxie:  Ed Bateman was home and the family was planning a big gathering at Thanksgiving.  They felt it was too soon to have the whole Mayapple Chapel gang back over at the house for the monthly meeting, but everyone, including Ed seemed eager for us to gather again at Christmas.  Astonished, I hung up the phone.  I could tell from Roxie and Janet’s comments that they were just as impressed as me.

Christmas Day we gathered with Candy and Ed again to restart the Mayapple Chapel monthly gatherings.  Now everyone was finally back in place and the routine was reestablished.  It wasn’t a dream…Ed was back home, back from the brink of hopelessness and overwhelming depression.  Candy was smiling, even in her fog of Alzheimer’s.  The fellowship was restored and it was all because of the song of the Lord.

Ed and Candy Bateman with Paul Walker, 2003

“The Lord your God is with you, He is mighty to save.  He will take great delight in you, He will quiet you with His love, He will rejoice over you with singing.”[12]  

Therefore we do not lose heart.  Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day.  For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us and eternal glory that far outweighs them all.  So, we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen.  For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.[13]

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Notes:

G#1573 ekkakeo (ek-kak-eh’o) to fail (in heart); to be (bad or) weak hearted, faint, weary; to be despondent[14]

II Cor 1:2-7 (The God of all comfort – comforts us so that we can comfort others)